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That was error 1 on your part. But no. She talked to him on.
Messaged him a bunch of times. Revealed her feelings to him. Then had sex with him.
Do you where I'm going with this? You're way too willing to sit back and eat that shit sandwich with a smile on your face.
Which you shouldn't be. SHE should be taking active strides to repairing the damage that she's done.
And cutting off all ties with this guy and you know what? I don't care how much of a fan of the band, of the genre, of the music she is. Going to that show without you is downright disrespectful and fucked up. DrRottencock might have the right of it.
If she really felt the need to be away from him and focus on you and your marriage you know what? She wouldn't need to go to that show no matter how much she liked the music or band. Sounds to me like she was a struck fan with a big crush that she's still not over. And you even say yourself that she feels bad about ruining their relationship.
Not to be ous, but you're probably better off divorcing. She's no where near over this guy yet. Probably is a on the infatuated side with him and always be.