Dating should be fun: The thrill of waking up next to a new lover—feeling their soft breath against your body—is fantastic at any age.
Whereas more women in their twenties and thirties are looking for a partner to have children with, this becomes less the case as we get older. Another benefit of dating at forty is that you have the confidence that comes with experience. I see a difference in how women in their forties walk into a room, the way they can make he turn and pulses race.
Call it a sexual glow, or just plain sex appeal. Still, you might think, the on-again, off-again dating game is overwhelming—which is true, it can be, at any age. For many of my single clients, examining and re-setting their fears and intentions around dating helps them to find enjoyment in it that they might not have felt before.
11 lessons learned while looking for love after 40
Dating can be both perplexing and hair-raising. But it can be wildly exciting, too.
I sometimes use word association techniques with clients to bring awareness to the role that perception plays in their dating life—it illuminates how vital it is to check in with yourself. Coral, forty-two, explained that dating had left her feeling abandoned.
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She felt manipulated to please her male partners, and felt overly needy herself. The first word that came to mind for her when I asked her to think of the word man was power.
When I asked her to think of the word, woman? For Coral, this revealed how polarized she was going into dating and relationships. Another client, Jennifer, age forty-six, described the people she was dating as shallow—players who valued looks over connection.
In contrast to Coral, though, Jennifer herself also identified with the word power. When you flip it over, there will be one word on the back.
Close your eyes. Flip over the card. Open your eyes. Say out loud the first thing that comes to mind.
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For clients like Coral and Jennifer and other clients like themreflecting on how they view themselves helps balance their approach to dating. What you think, you project and, in turn, attract. While this self-work can take many forms from therapy to meditation, etc. Our drive for perfection can override our sense of self-worth, and obscure our desires, even to ourselves.
In your 40’s, follow your true desire
Our desires can drive us at every age if we let them. The benefit of being guided by desire at forty, as opposed to twenty, is that you have more freedom, plus the wisdom of twenty more years of life to accompany you.
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